What I like about that is…

The ten per cent rule 

In a course I was taking, when I was introduced to “the ten per cent rule,” I didn’t expect it to have practical value. Happy surprise: this practice has made a practical difference for me on more than one occasion.

The “ten per cent rule” is a way to respond to a suggestion or recommendation you don’t particularly like.

The process is  especially useful if the person who suggested an idea is someone you care about, or you don’t want to offend. You don’t want to be phony and say you like something if you don’t. At the same time, you don’t want to be pressured into accepting something you do not want.

The instructor who explained the ten per cent rule said, “Even if you do not like a proposal or idea, you can probably find at least ten per cent that is okay with you. Focus on the ten per cent that is acceptable to you.” And then the instructor gave a process.

Trying out the process

Four of us tried out the instructor’s “ten per cent rule.” Our process was:

1.    Decide the topic. The one we selected was, “How can we get better at using what we’re learning in this program?” We agreed that we would do three rounds of the process.

2.    The first person suggests something – in our case, an idea about how we could get better at using what we’re learning.

3.    The second person says – no matter what his or her over-all opinion of the first persons’ suggestion – “What I like about that idea is….” Then the second person goes on to suggest a second idea.

4.    The third person says, about the second person’s idea, “What I like about that idea is…” and adds a third suggestion.

5.    The fourth person says, about the third person’s idea, “What I like about that idea is…” and then adds a fourth suggestion. 

And so on and so on, for however many rounds the group has agreed at the beginning.

 It was a fun conversation

As I watched and listened and spoke, I felt myself loosening up and relaxing. Knowing that the next person would say, “What I like about that idea is…” made it easier for me to suggest something. I knew my idea would not get shot down or discounted.

The other thing that began to emerge was that each one of us thought of something we’d never thought of before. All of us began to see possibilities that would not have occurred to any of us before we did our practice exercise.

After our three rounds, it took about five minutes – maybe not even – to agree on a shared action that was not anyone’s specific idea, and that was better than anything any of us had thought of before.

Testing in real life

One member of our foursome used the process in a Zoom call with her siblings, discussing how to deal with the circumstances of their failing 92-year-old mother. Her first surprise was that her siblings agreed to use the process. And then - whereas often they have argued and been nasty to one another, this time she and her siblings actually had a productive conversation and came to some helpful agreements.

Sidebar

Like many of us who have spent much time in virtual events during the past year and a half, our foursome had to figure out how to accommodate different time zones. We live in four different time zones in North America and Europe. Yet we can see and hear each other in real time. How cool is that?

Maybe, just maybe

Many things about the past year and a half have been challenging. Where I live, COVID numbers are surging again with a new variant. We’re nowhere near out of the woods yet. Heavy sigh.

On the other hand, I suspect most of us have had our minds and hearts and spirits expanded by having to learn things and do things that would not have occurred to us before. That in turn has led to opportunities that enrich our lives and create even more possibilities for good.

More than one gift is emerging from this time of global adversity.

Reflection question

What gifts or opportunities have emerged for you
during the past year and a half’s global challenges?