Bonnie Hutchinson

Thrive through Transitions

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What do you really want? Counter-intuitive resolutions

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This article first appeared in Thrive Through Transitions newsletter January 13, 2017. Subscribe to the newsletter here:  http://bonniehutchinson.com/newsletter/


Forget self-improvement! Resolutions that make you happy now.

 

When my son was in his twenties, living with a couple of other twenty-something guys, he told me one January that he and his housemates had made a New Year’s Resolution.

“Really?” I said. I was a little surprised – the guys didn’t seem like “New Year’s Resolution” types. “What’s your New Year’s Resolution?”

“Well,” my son said, “We’ve decided to be celibate for a year.”

I was more than surprised. After a moment I said, “Not that it’s any of my business, but I, um, wouldn’t have expected that.”

“Yes,” he said. “We decided that if we keep our resolution for a year, we’ll have something to celebrate next New Year’s Eve. And if we don’t keep our resolution –”   He stopped and grinned. “Oh well!”

***

In the January 2017 Oprah magazine, Martha Beck wrote a piece that riveted my attention. She talked about how, when she really looked at her 2016 resolutions (which, she said, were pretty much the same as her 1987 resolutions), she decided to contemplate them from a different perspective. She asked herself, “Do these goals resonate with me? Are they really what I want most in the entire world?” Her answer was, “No.”

She thought about how she actually wanted to spend the next 12 months and made new resolutions.

I laughed out loud when I read her resolutions. Examples: “Gain weight.” “Make messes.” “Forget what I’ve learned.”

***

As I read her explanations, though, I realized how profound were her new resolutions.

In each case, she took a previous resolution that had essentially been some sort of “self-improvement” attempt. Reflecting more deeply, she chose instead to flip her attention to what truly mattered to her.

For example, in regard to “weight,” she thought of people past and present that she admired and realized that she had no idea what any of them weighed and didn’t care. She decided to shift her attention to “weightier” matters. As she wrote, “weighty as in ‘of great importance,’ a definition that does not apply to dress size.”

She reported that she feels instantly lighter when she stops asking, “Why are my thighs so squidgy?” and starts asking, “What would really make me happy right now?” As she says, “Whenever body shame creeps up on me, I resolve to refocus on adding meaning to my life.”

In each of her other new resolutions, she re-framed a previous self-improvement resolution to a perspective of appreciation, gratitude and deeper meaning. Instead of bemoaning being disorganized, celebrating her ability to combine things in unusual ways and come up with unconventional solutions. Instead of focussing attention on the needs and expectations of others, distancing herself from people who drain her, being more attentive to how she really feels and making sure her actions match her truth.

***

As I reflected on what really matters to me, I realized that while there are concrete achievements I’d like to accomplish in 2017, what really matters to me is how I feel moment to moment, which in turn impacts what I can achieve and what kind of presence I am in the world.

My new practice is this. Whenever I feel myself slipping into (or already feeling) dark thoughts or dark emotions, I ask, “What would make me happy right now?

I don’t always remember, but when I do, that question takes me to counter-intuitive actions (like having a nap), and reminds me of the blessings and abundance in my life. And that truly does change everything.

***

In that context, while perhaps a bit “gamey” and quirky, the logic behind my twenty-something son’s New Year’s resolution, was impeccable!

Quotes

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” ~ Lucille Ball

“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” ~ Louise L. Hay

“When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.” ~ Jean Shinoda Bolen

Three (plus two) reasons to energize 2017 and what makes this New Year unique

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This article first appeared in my newsletter January 7, 2017.  Click here to sign up to receive my online newsletter.

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  1. To remind you of who you are
    2. To remember what is most important
    3. To move through inevitable obstacles and challenges more easily

The inspiration

So there I was, minding my own business, in my favourite meditation chair, and two words came into my mind: “Energize 2017.”

I saw the year 2017 being flooded with light. I was speaking with many people. Together we were immersed in positive energy – discovering it within ourselves, radiating it, amplifying it.

Then in my mind I heard, “January 17.”
Of course!
Energize the 17th year of the century on the 17th day of that year.
Set up a webcast. Brilliant!
It will be so much fun, I thought.

The images continued. Each of us on the webinar, and those who would listen afterwards, had a burst of positive energy added to our lives. We were clearer about what’s most important, optimistic and confident, knowing what to do when. That positive energy stayed with us, permeating our lives as the days and weeks of the New Year unfolded…

It was a lovely meditation and I decided to do the webcast.

I came out of the meditative state feeling carried on a wave of positive energy, knowing I was doing the right thing for the right reasons, and practically blissful.

On second thought…

I began thinking about the mechanics of setting up a webcast, letting people know about it, preparing for it, and another part of my mind kicked in.

This part of my mind said, “Are you crazy? You haven’t finished [insert long list]. When will you fit in one more thing? You’re doing this in two weeks? (Pause here for shrieking sound.) You won’t have time to publicize it. What if you do all that work and nobody signs up? What if what if what if…”

I’ll bet you have a part of your mind like that too. And is this not life for all of us? We have brilliant inspired ideas. We’re excited and enthusiastic. We have the day-to-day rock pile of things that need to be handled regardless of brilliant new possibilities. We have old fears that rise at the slightest whiff of change.

Moment by moment, we choose.

So – three good reasons to “Energize 2017” are…
…to immerse yourself in positive mental and spiritual energy
…to help you be clear about what is most important
…to give you momentum to move through whatever external or internal challenges show up.

This unique year

And then I thought of something else, possibly unique to this particular January. It’s my sense that more people than usual are feeling more challenged than usual as this New Year begins. Perhaps that only applies to people I speak with. But here’s what I’ve noticed.

In Canada and the US, many people are shaken by external events in the world, whether it’s wars or politics or the economy.  They’re feeling more appalled and powerless than is usual for them.

Perhaps not so much in the US or Eastern Canada, but in my part of the world, many people are also feeling worried and discouraged about the local economy. As recently as two days ago, I listened to a highly successful man I cherish and admire, who’s a leader in his community and his profession. He said that he didn’t remember ever seeing things so bad in his (70+) lifetime, that he didn’t know what he could do to make anything better, and that, although people were used to looking to him for guidance, he felt like he no longer knew how to be a leader.

In this context, does “Energize 2017” seem irrelevant or out of touch with the “Real World?”

Yes! Here’s why. What I’m also hearing people say is that – after processing whatever are our reactions to personal and global challenges – we’re experiencing a strengthening of resolve. “Okay, if this is how it is, I need to be at my best, to really give my gifts to the world in a bigger way than I ever have before.”

Even more important

I concluded that, in what are for many people turbulent times, infusing the year and ourselves with positive energy is even more important right now.

Two more reasons to energize 2017 are…
4. For the sheer joy of experiencing positive energy
5. When we are more positive, the world is more positive

I looked up “energize” in a couple of online dictionaries, and saw:
“give vitality and enthusiasm to, enliven, light up, motivate, animate, encourage, activate; make energetic, vigorous or active; impart energy to, as in <sunlight energizes the chemical reactions>”   I felt energized just reading the definitions!

There’s more. In my first meditation, I had other visions. I saw each of us who was “Energizing 2017” radiating positive energy outward. We didn’t have to think about it; it’s who we were – beacons of light wherever we were in the world. And the light of each one of us made each other person’s light brighter.

Making space

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This article first appeared in my newsletter December 29, 2016.  Click here to sign up to receive my online newsletter.

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It’s the last few days of 2016. Lots of us (including me) are thinking about new things we’d like to experience in 2017. I’ve learned to ask a key question: Does my life have space for anything new?

***

Last year I read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo.

The book inspired me to give away about one-third of what was in my closet, and also to tackle a storage and junk-filled area (formerly known as “guest bedroom”) that had bothered me for a year.

A key point in the book was not to ask, “What do I need to get rid of?” but rather to ask, “What am I willing to keep in my life?” For each item, the criteria was, “Does this make me feel a spark of joy?” If so, it was a keeper. If not, it was time to let it go. After the first few “let it go” decisions, the process got easier. I started looking forward to how much I could unload.

Many recycle and giveaway bags later, I was amazed at how different I felt. When I opened my closet, I felt spacious and organized. The guest bedroom could now welcome a guest! More importantly, I felt like my mind and emotions and spirit were cleared and expanded. I now had room for new possibilities in my mind, and happier emotions.

***

A friend’s story told of a different kind of “making space.” Earlier in 2016, she and her team came to the conclusion they would no longer work with a major client.

At the beginning of the project, it looked good. The work was within their expertise, would increase their profile, and would be a profitable revenue anchor for the year. But as the project progressed, the client became more and more demanding and difficult.

The team concluded that, even though the project was an income-generator, they just did not want to work with this client any longer. My friend said, “It took us a day to write the resignation letter.”

And then? My friend said, “I’m not making this up.” She went on to say, “Within an hour of clicking the Send button on our resignation letter, six new opportunities landed in my inbox.”
They had made space.

Lately I’ve been keenly aware that I need to make “mental space” for some of the new things I want to experience, by letting go of some habits and beliefs that no longer serve. I was encouraged to read “Your Brain Has a Delete Button – Here’s How to Use It” by Judah Pollack and Olivia Fox Cabane.

The authors explain that when we do or think something repeatedly, we build pathways in our brain (“neuro-circuits”). The more you run a neuro-circuit in your brain, the stronger that circuit becomes. That’s why practice makes perfect. The more you practice piano, or speak a new language, or shoot baskets, the stronger those circuits get.

But there’s more to learning than strengthening neural connections. Even more important is our ability to break down old ones. It’s called (I love this term!) “synaptic pruning.” Special cells in our brain have the job of seeking out less-used neural pathways and “pruning” them away. The authors say, “This is how your brain makes the physical space for you to build new and stronger connections so you can learn more.”

When does this happen? When we sleep. That old adage to “sleep on it” was even wiser than we knew.

Here’s a sobering point. Those repeated dark thoughts are creating strong brain pathways. We’re undoubtedly going to keep having dark thoughts – it’s knee-jerk.  What we can do is be better at noticing them more quickly and switching them to happier thoughts. Personally, I’d like all my “strong neural pathways” to be happy ones!

In the meantime, the next time I decide to stop working and have a nap, I’ll say, “I’m activating my ‘synaptic pruner’ so I can think more clearly.” It will even be true!

Build bridges of light for the holidays

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This article first appeared in my newsletter December 22, 2016.  Click here to sign up to receive my online newsletter.

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An early morning vision

At this season which is sacred in many traditions, we sometimes yearn for peace.
On this day, just past the winter solstice, we can celebrate the return of the light.
These two conditions remind me of one of my favorite visualizations – building bridges of light.

In LaUna Huffines’ book called Bridge of Light: Tools of Light for Spiritual Transformation, she describes this visualization, which I have used over and over since I first read it a few decades ago. It always lifts my spirit and calms my energy.

  1. Sit in a comfortable position, relax and take a few deep breaths. Close your eyes, drop your shoulders, relax your jaw.
  2. Think of a kind of energy you would like to feel right now – peace, love, joy, courage, compassion – whatever you would most like to experience in this moment.
  3. Imagine that you are looking out into space, and you can see the place, somewhere in the cosmos, where the source of that energy lives.
  4. Imagine that rays of light are coming from the source of that energy, right into your heart. Imagine those rays continuing to come into your heart until you have created a bridge of light between the source of that energy and your heart.
  5. Imagine that your heart, and then your entire body and mind are flooded with that energy.
  6. Now imagine that you walk across the bridge into the source of that energy, and are immersed in it.
  7. Imagine that you come back to your heart, your body, your mind and the physical space that you are now in, and you bring back that energy so you can radiate it wherever you go on this day.
  8. Take a few more deep breaths, smile, open your eyes and enjoy whatever comes next.

With love to you and yours in this holiday season.

Light and Dark and Light

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This article first appeared in my newsletter December 15, 2016.  Click here to sign up to receive my online newsletter.

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An early morning vision

Last evening I hosted a complimentary webcast called “Just Send Light.” During a guided visualization, we imagined a spark of light in our hearts, then imagined the spark expanding to fill our bodies and the layers of energy around our bodies, and moving outward into whatever situation in our lives or in the world was attracting our attention.

Early this morning, another vision popped into my mind. In the vision, each of us was like a candle. As we thought of situations in our own lives or in the world to which we wanted to “just send light,” others involved in those situations were “lit up.” And as each of those people lit up, they in turn lit up others by their presence.

And it was exponential. For example, when 25 “candles” each lit up 3 other candles, that became 100 lit candles (the original 25 plus 75 others). Each of those lit up 3 more candles, so that became 400 candles (100 plus 300 more), which became 1600 candles, and so on and so on. The cool thing was, in the vision all the candles were eternal flames. They all continued to spread light. From a vantage point out in space looking back at the earth, those points of light began to increase all over the globe.

That vision was a pretty good start to this day!

So does it make a difference?

For me, the idea of “just send light” grew out of my own distress by events in the world (or sometimes in my own life) where I could think of no way to be of service to make a dreadful situation any better. One day when I was on the edge of black despair, it occurred to me that, if I couldn’t do anything concrete, at least I could imagine sending light into dark situations, and I could ask a higher power to intervene in some way that would be for the highest good.

The first few times I did this, I immediately noticed that I felt much better. I decided that was a good enough reason! If I felt better, I’d be a more positive presence. And besides, it felt better to feel better!

Over time, I noticed something else. With all the dark situations in which I did this – in my own life and later in the lives of organizations with whom I was consulting – not only did I feel better, but usually within a week or two, something changed that I could not have predicted that did indeed make the situation better. I began to think perhaps it was not a coincidence.

Later I learned that I was by no means the first person to try this. Indeed, there were communities and traditions in which some version of sending positive energy had been going on for centuries or perhaps millennia. (Okay, so I wasn’t cutting edge!)

By now, a growing body of research provides concrete evidence that practices such as shared meditation or prayer or distance healing do make a difference. A book I’m currently reading, Subtle Activism by David Nicol, is chock full of examples. Find out more from Amazon.

But sometimes, even with the best of intentions and the desire to be a positive presence, we’re just not there. What then?

If there are people or situations about which your emotions and thoughts are angry, judgmental, frightened or sad, you probably don’t want to add those heavy energies to an already dark situation. And – whether you like it or not, you feel what you feel and think what you think. That’s how you are at this moment. So be it.

Here’s what you can do, to honour yourself, at a minimum do no harm, and at best to make some kind of positive contribution.

  1. Invite in the “energy of unconditional love” and “highest good” for yourself exactly as you are feeling and thinking. Be compassionate of yourself, exactly as you are. Sit with that.
  2. State your intention (aloud or in your mind) that any of your energy that goes to the situation be in service of the highest good.
  3. Let it go.

And finally…

I love the idea that I can do good in the world just sitting in my comfy meditation chair. Beats going out on a cold December day!